Friday 18 May 2012

FUBAR Film Review Classic: DOG SOLDIERS

Hard to belive its been 10 years since one of my top cult horror movies of all time came out. Dog Soldiers was one of the first in a line of gritty British Horror which begane to spring up along side 28 days later in the early naughtys.
The Story was simple take a bunch of likeable Bristish Squadys and pit them agenst werewolves. From the outset this is a blokes movie and you really like the lads which makes it even more compelling as their picked off one buy one. They talk like real blokes theres no "when I get home bullshit."
Kevin MCKidd is exellent as Copper the straightlace buy the book soldier who takes charge and is very reminiscent of Hicks from Aliens. Sean Pertwee  is another actor who shines as the salt of the earth Sargent Welles who dosent want to lose his men. But the scene stealer of the flick is my fan faveriote Irish actor Liam Cunningham as the slimy black ops commander Ryane. The man drips venom and Marshell sets you up to hate in very early in the film buy displaying his sheer crultey.
The movie also pulls an Evil Dead 2 buy jumping between horror and humour without ever sideing with one or the other. In one scene theres a tool up/weapons search((with epic background music)) of the house and you have one of the soldiers finding an electric turkey carver and considers useing it for a momment or two. Then theres private Spoon, the gung-ho nutball and some of his one liners....this is a bloke who gets into a fist fight with a werewolf and when hes about to be eaten says.
"I hope I give you the shits you fucken wimp" The one liners christ this movie got some wicked one liners...their so good youd wish you were in mortal danger so you could use them. Welles looks down at his intestines splayed out across his chest and groans "sausages" and when Copper is finished adressing the men with his battle plan he finishs with " and put the kettle on the boil we could all do with a brew."

This movie is sheer gold and its not suprising Neil Marshell went on to do the Descent what I consider to be up their with Alien in the atmosphere stakes.In all his movies you can see hes a fan and loves movies as much as the people he makes them for. He references everything from Hitchcock to Rami paying homage to those generes. Hes a movie lovers director, this can be seen in his savage  Roman invasion flick Centurion which looked epic on a small budget and it was this that snagged him the job of directing episode 9 in the second season of Game of Thrones which is supposed to be one epic battle called Blackwater.
 So Dog Soldiers in my mind is one of the coolest bloke movies ever and if you do intend on watching it call your mates over, break open a sixpack and prepare to "Howel "with laughter and excitement.

Watch it if you liked: Zulu,Alien, Evil Dead 2,Predator ,Jaws and the Howling or if your a bloke my age!




Wednesday 2 May 2012

Trailer Trash

So yeahe this looks intresting to say the least....was their ever anyone so dickheaded or cuntish you just want to kill them.



Behold a movie we can all relate to in this shitty day and age.


Tuesday 1 May 2012

Top 5 movies you never watch with a date.

There are some movies that are gorey and just plain aweful but you know your grirlfriend can stick them but on the off chance you havent seen or herd of any of these you might want to give snuggling up on the couch to watch these with herself a miss unless you never require sex agien or just like having a restraining order.

(1) Antichrist
Okay so a couple loses their child and decides to retreat to the woods to reflect and repair their relationship.
Things turn trippy and the two breakdown into an orgey of sex and Violance where neither regions are hacked, sliced and crushed. Family entertainment this is not.


(2) Last Tango in Paris
Two strangers decide to have a steamy affier in the most romantic city in the world but their idea of sexy time is far from fucking romantic. Lets just say Marlon Brando and butter should never be aloud in the same room agien...ever!!!


(3) Showgirls
Lads before you think this is Mulion Rouge it aint. Sure its got some dance numbers...featureing more T and A then a copy of playboy. This fucking movie is a shambles from start to finish and can only be of any merrit if your a 14 year old boy looking for  a wankfest. Dont even get my started on the sex scene that looks more like dolphins getting it on which would make an awkward momment all that more painfull.


(4) The Devide
The world ends and a handful of poor souls are trapped in a basement of an apartment building wondering whats going on outside. As the food runs scarce and tensions rise the unit breaks off into packs. What follows is rape, toture ,murder and crossdressing. A mental flick which I enjoyed for its bleak outlook but not a flick you watch with the girl you want to spend the rest of you life with.



(5) Irreversible
A savage rape revenge thriller that starts from the end and works it way back to the start of the movie. Its a tough watch but not really the movie you suggest to watch with your partner. This movie dosent shock so much a burn every sense in your body.



So if you stumped for somthing to watch for the love of christ dont pick these for its better to watch a shitty movie together then have to spend the rest of your nights alone.

Badass box art for 80s horror movies.

When it comes to videos the box art can surpass the flick. This is no more evident than in 80s horror movies check out some of these video covers.

(1) First off Primal Rage ((not to be mistaken for the video game although both feature a savage ape creature))

(2) Leviathan. Robocop vs a mutant underwater in this dire Aliens/ thing rip off.


(3) Night of the Creeps. Aliens,Zombie and slugs....pretty fun flick


(4) Galaxy of Terror. Rogar Cormans dodgey Alien knock off that Jim Cameron ironicly did the set design for. Trash but the poster makes it seem like a pulp schocker.




(5) Hell comes to frog town. Roddy Piper pulls a Duke Nukem buy saving slave girls from mutant frogs then saves the world buy bonking them. Pure gash but in a fun way and the box art trys to give it some sense of style.....But mutant frogs can never be made princes if Roddy pipers killing em.


Just remeber never judge a book buy its cover and sure as fuck never judge an 80s horror buy its box art.