Tam-a-Dan

If you happen to be glanceing your local video store and are passing buy a section littered with countless shite brit gangster flicks you may notice a thing I like to call Tam-A-Dan. The countless pairing of Tamer Hassan and Danny Dyer. What follows is a list of their on screen team ups. Shudder in fear of Tam-A-Dan.


The Business

City Rats

Dead Man Running

The Last Seven

Football Factory

White Line

At this stage Im convinced both actors have reached a level symbiosis where one cant survive without the other. This Ladies and gentlemen is what I call Tam-A-Dan.

Trailer Trash Newsflash!

Oh god why? Why god why? A movie about tits and Zombies......that will turn people into tits and Zombies.

Got give it  Sony for having ball to flog their stuff in this teaser. Reguardless I may have to witness this train wreck!

Trailer Trash!

Heres some trailers to movies im going to be looking forward to seeing on the big screen

First off MS one:Security Maximum its kinda like Escape from New York with Guy Pearce playing a loud-mouth anit-hero.



Next up is Chronicle a supero hero flick with a twist.

Keep your eyes peeled for these flicks cause I know I will!

Whys that bloke gone to the ladies?.....holy shit its Tilda Swinton

Theres very few actors who have their own little dare I say "Super power" Tilda Swinton on the other hand does. One of the best British actress's in my view she has an uncanny nack for being able to switch her looks of gender to suit a role. This is most evident in 1992s Orlando where she played the title hero of the story buy Virginia Woolf.
She later went on to play Angel Gabriel in the ill advised movie version of the comic Hellblazer.
While most actress would run a mile to aviod roles like these Tilda seems to brave all and any role she given showing her true arthouse roots as a result. And despite all this she is still a very attractive woman in other features. For this I consider Tilda Swinton to be a master class over most actors.

Tildas more butch roles

Yet she still in most respects attractive

FUBAR film review :The Woman

To set the record straight I like revenge flicks....plain and simple. Stuff like death wish are hardcore revenge flicks and like all hard core vengace flicks chances are some ones going to get raped....Something I am not at all fucking fond of but do relise in most cases its the fuse for the powdercagg at the end of the flick. In the Woman the fuse is stuck to a nuke.

First off the Woman is a semi-sequel to the film Offspring. Its about a feral woman who is captured and "civilised" buy a country lawyer and his nuclear family. Thing go from bad to worse to shithouse rat in no time. You soon relise the real monster of the movie isnt the woman ((played with a great mix of beauty and savagery buy Pollyanna McIntosh)) but the seemly clean cut family man.

3 things struck me about this film.

(1) Oh lord jeasus fuck....did they.....can they....well fuck me that was intense!
(2) The soundtrack. Its really good and it really shouldnt work but it does. It would seem more at home in a day time teen drama but due to the setting it lends a yin-yang kinda thing with "man this music sure suits that white picket fence even if that chicks eating that womans face"
(3)Sean Bridgers as Chris Cleek is the bomb. If Im ever doing a top list of evil movie shitheels hes going on it. What makes him scary isnt that he beats his wife, abuses his daughter and rapes the wild lady in their fruit Cellar. Its the fact he does not see any wrong in it. The man plays it like hes the best fucking dad in the world and in no way is harming anyone.

After watching it twice and intending to watch it agien Im going to give the woman 8/10.
Rent it if you liked/ Aviod it if you hated.
I spit on your grave.
Oldboy
Death Wish
The Collector

When you gotta go...you gotta go!

In the movies sometimes the mere call of nature can end up being the call of god. Heres a hand full of jacks located deaths.

Gomer Pyle: Full Metal Jacket
After suffering a full metal break down due to the harsh training Pyle takes a bathroom break and kiss's the wrong end of M-14 rifle.

Donald Gennaro: Jurassic Park

After the T-rex decides hes had enough of being in his enclosure and decides to chew on the two near buy land rovers Gennaro the gimp pegs it to the near buy public bog.....made out of wood and straw!!!!!!

If he wasent shitting it then he is now.

Danny Vinyard : American History X
Having pissed off some Black youth the previous week young Danny is gunned down buy the same young man. The sad part being the after hearing his brothers story Danny was going to change over a leaf.....however too little too late.

Gypsy John : Dead Mans Shoes

Having bullied and tormented former soldier Richard's younger retarded brother the gang all hides out fearing for their lives. Thinking their all safe as long as their together they sit down for a game of cards and talk about how their going to deal with Richard. Gypys John gets up to use the jacks only to be amushed buy Richard while on the pot. Caught literally with his pants down John have his head opened up via Richards axe and the words "one down" scrawled in blood on the bogs wall its a fitting ending to a cruel bully.

Vincent Vega: Pulp Fiction

To be frank bad shit ((no pun intended)) happens when Vincent Vega uses the loo.

1. Vincent and Jules’s diner breakfast and philosophical conversation is aborted by an armed robbery while Vincent is reading on the toilet.
2. While Vincent is in the bathroom worrying about the possibility of going too far with Marsellus's wife, Mia mistakes his heroin for cocaine, snorts it, and overdoses.
3. During a stakeout at Butch’s apartment, Vincent emerges from the toilet with his book and is killed by Butch.

So next time when you need to pinch one off becareful.....you may have more to worry about then just running out of jacks roll.

Top four Exorcists!

Fuck the Ghostbusters these are the people you call when shit goes south.

(1) Elise Reiner: Insidious
Half Marry Poppins, half  Father Lankester Merrin. Shes sweet and kindly but knows her shit.
You know this woman  means brass tacks when she dawns a gas mask and channels to the other side giving a terrifying picture what the lays on 'the further,' which is a place for tormented souls of the dead. While she did save the day like other exorcists before her her own fate dosent end well.
The fact she wears a bitching gas mask at 60 and is as cool as a breeze when she knows its not the house thats haunted wins her the top spot buy miles.

(2)Shaun San Dena: Drag Me to Hell

While most demon killers use cross's and spells to fight the beasts of hell. No Shaun San Dena uses a goat and mean fucking blade. Having lost a child 30 years prior to Lamia she intended to finish the creature once and for all.....however things dont play out too well ending in Death and destruction.



(3)Cotton Marcus: The Last Exorcism

A chancer to say the least yet one cant help liking Cotton Marcus. Which makes it even more the pity when things turn sour for him and his camera crew. While a non-beliver at first he soon learns that hes going to need all his wits to combat this either troubled girl or deadly demons. Buy the end of the night Marcus will know true evil.



(4)  Father Lankester Merrin: The Exorcist

The power of christ compelled him to save a little girl and save her he did braveing  ice cold from the demons soul and  green vomit. Armed only with the good book and some holy water he showed no fear in the face of pure evil. He is the one the only true exorcist.

While they fought the good fight for the side of light things dont pan out well these exorcists.....So after all the things you might want to put down on your C.V be sure exorcism isnt one.

The Many Medieval deaths of Sean Bean.

Has anyone else noticed that when Sean Bean puts on chainmail and dawns sword shit dosent go well for him.

(1) Uraki pincushion in Lord of the Rings!

(2) Heads will roll in Game of Thrones!

(3) Man and beast will be torn asunder Black Death!

I think is fair to say Sean Bean wont be playing Skyrim any time soon.