DVD Easter Egg Hunt.

Since its Easter weekend Ive decided to do a list of my top faveriote Easter Eggs. If any you guys out there got any of these flicks in your DVD collection I urge you to give them a go.

Alien

Life Cycle:Jump to the "Extra Features" menu. Arrow down to the "Main Menu" selection and press your Down button once again. A hole in the floor will highlight, then click. There's an in-depth analysis of the Alien Lifecycle. If you've never seen the movie before leave this one hidden feature till last. It's certainly a spoiler - complete with warning!

The Abyss

DISC TWO - click on "Main Menu" and select the "Audio" option (the speaker at the top left). On the right speaker, there is a face grabber from Aliens. Clicking on this creature brings up the short teaser

AVP: Alien vs. Predator

Interface:
Every time the disc is entered into the DVD player there is a different Main Menu based on 2 of the movies themes. You will get either the 'Sacrificial Chamber' or the 'Predator's Wrist Computer'. Interview:
Tom Woodruff Jr. Interview: Enter 'Pre-Production' and highlight 'ADI Workshop'. Press right to bring up a 'Facehugger' icon, now press enter

Batman Begins

Interview:
Go to the second page of the "Inner Demons" comic.
Press your Left button.
A piece of a wall between batman and scarecrow will be highlighted.
Press your Enter button for an interview with writer David Goyer talking about how secretive he and director Nolan had to be in writing the script. Behind the Scenes:
Go to the "Inner Demons" comic.
Find the page where there are 2 Scarecrows>
Press your Down button to highlight the second Scarecrow's eyes.
Press your Enter button for a test shot of a digital Batman.

Blade II

On Disc 2, from the disc's "Main Menu" go to the 'Production Workshop' and then select the 'Visual Effects' menu entry.
- Once you get to that submenu, highlight the 'Progress Reports' menu entry
- Press Right, followed by Up.
- This will highlight a vampire glyph in the upper right hand corner of the screen.
- press your Enter button now and you will see director Guillermo Del Toro having some fun with an adult toy.

Blade: Trinity

Disc 2: Go all the way up and click on the vampire icon and see a short clip of Wesley Snipes.

Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows

Symbol Definitions, Song Track, Special Message:
On certain menu screens in the Book of Shadows DVD you will notice Blair 'witchesque' symbols hidden in the background, these symbols can actually be highlighted and when entered, a rundown of the symbols' meaning is given. There are quite a few of these symbols hidden so look out for them! In the "Special Features" enter the "Audio Options" menu and by going down the list and pressing your Down button at the bottom should select the "Priority Records" logo. Clicking on this will run the advert for the Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 soundtrack and then automatically afterwards, gODHEAD's song the reckoning filmed live at the Blair Witch web fest. From the main menu, select "Access Scene", then press your Left button until the witch mark highlights and you will see one scary message

Conan the Barbarian (1982)Collector's Edition

When the credits have finished for the "Spotlight on Location" bonus featurette you will get to see a small clip in which Arnold Schwarzenegger gets his head bumped by a microphone!

Daredevil

From the submenu for "Beyond Hell's Kitchen: Making Daredevil" on Disc Two, highlight the "play" link and press your Right button to highlight Elektra's Sai Daggers. Press your Enter button for a 6-minute collection of outtakes and bloopers from the film

The Evil Dead

Makeup Tests and Panel Discussion:
Push left on the first extras menu screen. A fish will be highlighted. Push the Enter button / OK and you will see a one minute clip of special makeup effect tests. Push left on the second extras menu screen. A skull will be highlighted. Push the Enter button / OK and you will see a seven minute clip of a panel discussion after a screening of the movie.

The Exorcist

Sound Tests:Allow the second commentary by William Peter Blatty to finish then wait for a short while. You will then hear Willian Freidkin introduce the tests of the demonic sound effects by Mercedes McCambridge

A History of Violence

Interview:From the main menu, go to Special features. Highlight scene 44(deleted scene) and press right on the directional pad. A red bullet hole should appear next to the "Special Features" title at the bottom of the screen. Press enter and you will be treated to a short interview with Ed Harris, one of the stars of the film.Behind the Scenes:From the disc's main menu, select Special Features. Then select "Acts of Violence". Hightlight "Act 1 - Random" and press the right-arrow button. Select the candle icon to view a brief clip of cast and crew celebrating Viggo Mortensen's birthday

The IT Crowd - Version 3.0

Game:
Leave the Main Menu up and running without making a selection two to 6 minutes. A game will then become available.  

 Krull
 
Comic Book Version:
To get to hit Select "Special Features" and press your Enter button on the remote control. On the bottom right of the screen their should be a comic book there. If you hit the right arrow on the remote that should highlight it. This takes you to a comic book adaptation of Krull the movie.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - Special Extended DVD Edition

MTV Movie Awards:
Disc 1: The MTV Movie Awards Council of Elrond skit can be accessed by highlighting chapter 27 in the "Scene Selection" menu, and arrowing down once. Disc 2: The MTV Movie Awards Council of Elrond skit is also accessible by highlighting the 48 on the right side of the last selection screen.*Note: This egg is available on all Region 2 DVD's except the UK edition.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - Special Extended DVD Edition

Joke Interview:On the main menu of disc one, click on "Select a Scene". Go to the last page of scene selections. Highlight the very last chapter and press your Down button. A ring will now appear to the left of "new scene". Press your Enter button to view an interview with Dominic Monaghan ( Merry ) and Elijah Wood ( Frodo ) via satellite, with Dom pretending to be a German journalist and asking Elijah outrageous questions ( many fangirls have heard about it, now we get to see it! )
  MTV Awards Sequel Pitch:On the main menu of disc two, click on "Select a Scene". Go to the last page of scene selections. You will want to highlight just the number of the last chapter for the scene selections on the right hand side of the screen. Once you do this, press your Down button. Something will now appear in the bottom right corner of the screen. Press your Enter button and you will be able to see the clip from the MTV movies awards where Vince Vaugh and Ben Stiller pitch their crazy Lord of the Rings sequel to PJ.

Memento

Alternate Version of Movie:Well the hidden feature on Memento isn't exactly very well hidden, but here it is anyway. To find the version of the film that plays in chronological order, head to the "Special Features" menu and wait till Memento Mori appears and begins to fade. Just after the polaroid fades, push your 'enter' button and you should access the secret feature with no problem. Hey presto!

Phantasm

Music Tracks and Photos Gallery:
At the main menu press your Up button. A speaker icon should appear and you can choose from one of three background music selections for the menus. In the second screen in the "Special Features" section, highlight the "Still Gallery" option and press your Up button. A dark sphere will be displayed. Press your Enter button to view bonus photographs of the movies director Don Coscarelli and actors A. Michael Baldwin, Bill Thornbury, and Angus Scrimm.  

Predator Collector's Edition
Bonus Clip:
1. Go to predator special fx 2. Press your Down button til the main menu is highlighted 3. press your Left button on remote once 4. there will be an icon highlighted, press select this will show a short feature on a practical joke Behind the Scenes:
- Insert disc two - Go the photo gallery - Cycle through to the sixteenth photo (a shot of Hawkins with his glasses on his head) - Use your remote to highlight the predator targeting triangle on the right hand side - Click on it to get an hilarious hidden documentary about the cast all having to run to the toilet between shots after drinking Mexican water! Bonus Feature:
On Disk 2 from the main menu do as follows: 1.(your Enter button) Inside the predator 2. Select the first featurette 3.Press up (you should see the laser cursor move up into an empty space near the page title) 4. Press your Enter button and another featurette on Jesse Ventura will begin. Interview:
Disk 1 Go to "Special Features" highlight dvd rom press your Left button on the remote goes to an open space then press your Enter button gives you an Interview with John McTiernan on learning film

Resident Evil

Bonus Video:On the main menu highlight "Special Features" then press your Left button. A small symbol should now be highlighted. Press your Enter button and you will be taken to a screen where you have to enter a five digit number. The code is: 86314 After all this trouble you should be rewarded with a video by Slipknot

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

Behind the Scenes:
On Disc 2, Go to the Star Trek Universe menu. Once there, highlight the "Main Menu" function. If you press the right (-->) button on your remote, the sculpture on the Vulcan alter will highlight. Press your Enter button and you will see a fourth hidden Documentary about the creature effects used in the movie.
Stargate Director's Cut

Bonus Feature:
The Stagate disc contains two Dolby Digital 'stings' and one for DTS, but it's not easy to find them unless you know where to look. Thanks to a few diligent readers we've now cracked it. On the menu menu screen press '1' rather than highlighting 'play menu' and 'enter'. The sting you see now depends on the audio selection you choose. English, German & Italian 5.1 lead you to the Egypt intro. Spanish leads you to the Dolby Temple and English DTS takes you to the DTS ident. In all instances you MUST go back to the main menu before playing the film or else the trailers are skipped.

Starship Troopers

DVD ROM Feature:
This hidden selection is only accessible to DVD-ROM users. Play Side-B of the DVD. From the main menu click on "Extra Scenes / Behind the Scenes" then click on the "More" button. The hidden menu can be accessed by hovering your cursor over the word "Scenes" at the top of the screen. "Ed's Surprise Party" will appear. If you click on it you will be taken to the same documentary as accessible from the main menu.  

The Usual Suspects

Online Game:
Nothing too amazing on this one, but if you select "Special Features" on Disc 1 then highlight the photo to the right of the 'play movie' icon and press your Enter button, you will come to a online competition info menu. Obviously you need to be on a PC connected to the internet to access it.  

 Willow Special Edition

Behind the Scenes:
From the main menu, go to the "Special Features", then choose "Theatrical Trailers". On the first page, which includes the tv spots, highlight "the main menu". Then push Right once and wait for about 1-2 seconds until a fairy appears. Push your Enter button to watch "The making of Raziel's transformation".
X-Men

FX and Joke:
In the "Art Gallery", highlight the dog tags on-screen to reveal early visual designs and special-effects tests for two grotesque mutants cut from the film's shooting script. In the "Trailers and TV Spots" menu, use your remote to highlight a rose in the screen's upper-left corner: You'll see a clip of an on-set joke. Bonus Feature:
From the main menu select "Special Features" then select "Theatrical Trailers" then from trailer A press your Left button to light up the flower and press select. This will prove that Spiderman does truly interact with the X-men world.

Thats just a few to speak of. If youv got any send them my way.

Cult Horror Hero: Tom Atkins

So some people worry about getting type cast while other's know what their good at and stick with it. Some people are just so good at it and enjoy it they end up making it a fucking art form and thats what Tom Atkins does. He's the Dennis Farina of Horror movies. You need a grizzaled Police captain who fights slashers you get Atkins, you want a  gruff police sargent who slays zombies you find Atkins...you need retireing state trooper to track down the devil himself you get Tom fucking Atkin's. The man has made a solid career outta playing pissed off law enforcement members. His first flicks were Halloween 3: Season of the Witch and the Fog.
He later went on to play Detective Lieutenant Frank McCrae in the 1988 cult classic Maniac Cop.
But for me Atkins stand out preformance is in 1986s Night of the Creeps. This movie is batshit but in a good way and Atkins is one of those batshit reason's. He play's detective Ray Cameron who highschool sweet heart was murdered buy a slasher in 1959 but who Ray killed in vengance and buried under what is now a sorority house. To make matters worse a alien parasite has landed near buy and is turning all it infects in zombies including the long rotting corpse of Ray's nemisis. Atkins is the bomb in this movie. He's got one liner's to rivil Bruce Campbell. When ever he arrives at the scene of a crime he growl's "Thrill me!"
He robs a flamethrower from the police station to help our young hero's fight the zombies. When the undead horde descend on the house he's like "Well Ive got good news and bad news girls..the good news is your dates are here! The bad news is their dead!" When the Zombies break in he raises his revolver and sneer's "Its Miller time!" I fucking love this guy. He makes this flick.

Atkins was last seen in Drive Angry as you guessed it a pissed of state trooper captian. The guys fucking great and Id love to see in star in a few more horror movies. The guys a legend and when he's on screen he does what he says best "Thrill me!"



Revenge of the Scream Queens.

So decided to do a second list of horror hotties who kick ass rather then twist their ankle.
Heres my list of ladies to die for.

(1)Katherine Isabelle

Katherine Isabelle ripped onto our screens in the cult werewolf horror Ginger Snaps. Playing the title role of the teenage wolf bitch Ginger she oozed a fantastic feel of  an agery teen who's already mixed up emotions are made even more volatile buy her predatory curse. She later appeared in Freddy vs Jason as a doomed tomboy Gibb Smith who becomes the unwitting prey of both Freddy and Jason. Her latest role in American Mary as is amazening as a vengeful medical student who decides in a change of career to make big bucks as an underground body modaficatin surgan. Katherine Isabelle acting is wickedly sexy but also clever. She give's off a vibe of a classic Hammer Horror villainess and thats what wins her the top spot.

(2)Lynn Lowry

So if your a fan of 70's horror your bound to have spotted this pixie faced beauty in a least one of the films you've come across. She stared in I Drink your blood. Played a sexy nurse in David Cronrnburg's Shivers and also stared in George.A Romero's the Crazies. She later went on to appear in the remake of both the Cat people the 2010 remake of the Crazies as the woman on the bike in a cameo apperance.

While she never broke out big she is what you'd call a cult star with a girl nextdoor face but worked in roles where she was far from innocent and that's what lands her the number two spot.

(3) Melissa George

So it's hard to belive our next scream queen started off in Home and away but then agien so did Thor and Joker. Milissa first venture in horror was the exellent sci-fi chiller Dark City.She then appeared in the 2005 remake of Amityville Horror. She proved to be hard a nails playing Officer Stella in the movie adaptation of Steve Niles Horror comic  30 Days of Night and  earned more praise in the creepy sail'n slash thriller Triangle. Her latest thriller was the 2011 a Lonely place to die where she plays a rescue worker looking for a kidnappped child. With a collection of horror movies like thats its a wonder this Angel (trust me home and away fans will get it) survived and that earn's her number 3.

(4)MyAnna Buring

I really love this actress and shes fantastic in what shes in but buy christ has she landed in some god awefull turkeys. She play the cute and dippy sam in Neill Marshell savage Descent and later turned up his so-so Sci-fi horror Doomsday. However she went on to appear in such vile horror (in a way the term is fitting but not for the right reasons) movies as Lesbian Vamprie killers, The Devils playground and ( Im going to be sick from mentioning this) Twilight: Breaking Dawn 1 and 2. However This Anglo-Swed beauty has redeemed herself buy appearing in the wickedly suspenseful Killlist and a brillently gothic detective series called Ripper Street set not long after the Jack the Ripper slayings. Myanna your my number 4.

(5)Sheri Moon Zombie

Right this is one crazy cool lady and why not she's only married to Rob Zombie. Sheri has worked on most if not all of her husbands flicks rangeing from The Halloween Remakes but where her crazieness really shines is as Baby Firefly in both House of a 1000 Corpses and The Devils Rejects. Shes cute, cunny and nuts in these flicks. She later went on to star as a nasty nazie babe in the Grindhouse trailer Werewolf women of the S.S. Sheri continues to work with her fella as her next flicks is lords of Salem out later this year. Sheri your crazy cute ass lands you at number 5 on my list.

Thats my 2nd top five of scream queens but if you guys out there on the interwebs think I left some one out or dissagree with my choice drop us a comment and who knows maybe those ladies like all good scream queens might come back for more. Until then Im the Cinema savage saying chow.

Sods and Monsters.

Okay Im sure all of us have read Moby Dick and know the gist. Well theres a number of horror movies that have Ahab like old blokes who uselly have a vendetta with the monster/beast in question. 9 times outta 10 theyv lost a loved one from the creature or just like going mano-a-mano with mother nature and they dont care who gets hurt in the process. So heres my top 3 Ahabs of horror movies.

(1) Quint: Jaws.
Robert Shaws Samuel Quint has to be number one. No doubt about it...this salty sea dog is the other thing that chewing scenery besides the fucking shark. Hes gruff, hes mean, you cant make out what hes saying some times but man is he cool. With Quint your always on edge, you like the guy but your never really sure if hes all there.Will he be the death of Hooper and Brody or will the shark be. The stand out momment is when all the guys are having a male bonding momment and Quint recalls when he served on the Indianapolis and the dark tale lets us know how he understands sharks and why he does what he does.
But Quints stand out momment has to be his death even getting devoured buy the movies title beast he dosent go down with out a fight. Driving a Machete into the creature before being dragged to his doom.
A scary end to a scary man.

(2)Jack Taggart, Sr: Jeepers Creepers 2
So your son is capture and killed buy an unkillable creature and your wrecked with grief. How do you cope with the untimely and aweful death? You  hunt the fucking thing down that what you do. Ray Wise is fucking kick ass in this role. Hes like a salt of the earth farmer who only good thing in life is his son and then he taken and that it....all bets are off. The guy builds, listen to this Im not shitting you...Home made Harpoon launcher outta a post puncher. I mean someone might call the cops or get a lynch mob together or somthing which dumb rednecks do but no not Farmer Taggert this guy goes evil dead Ahab and makes a harpoon. This thing is bad ass, he mounts it to his pick up and turns farm tools into harpoons. Also he,s fuckeing mental...he uses the bus full of kids as bait and when he does bring down the creeper he mounts it up in his barn and keeps the Harpoon aimed at it waiting for it to wake. Really Ray Wise makes this movie.

(3)Jake Cullen: Razorback
This dear old grandad decides to go fry himself some wild bacon when his grandson is killed buy the savage porker. He nearly culls all the boar population in his area but never finds the Pig that killed his grandson.
When some one asks how dangerous a boar really  he reply with one kick ass line that became the movies tag line "It has only two states of being dangerous or dead, there is no inbetween" When he finally confronts the Razorback things dont work out the way he wished and he ends up on the wrong side of the beasts tusks. Still Jake gave our heros enough info to defeat the big boar and get some form of revenge from himself and his grandson.

So what have we learned. Sure mother natures not to be messed with but there are some parents and grandparents that are even meaner then her.





FUBAR Film Review Classic: Army of Darkness.

The Evil Dead movies kick ass...Evil Dead one was a savage assault on the senses via sound and tone, it was nasty gritty and just plain evil. Evil Dead 2: Dead buy Dawn was basicly a remake with the comedy sense of a loony toons cartoon. The gore and horror was so over the top you had to love and laugh at it.
So that leaves us with Army of Darkness AKA Evil Dead 3 AKA Medi-evil Dead AKA Bruce Campbell vs The Army of Darkness ((also in Japan its known as Captain supermarkert vs the evil dead. Dear santa this year I need a life!)). This is what you would get if you crossed the Three Stooges, Krull and night of the living dead. It amps up the comedy even more for this installment and dropped the horror element alot which is why when it was released at first the fans hated it.

The movie starts off right where Dead buy dawn left off Ash is trapped in 1300 A.D because of the Book of the dead. Ash is captured ((which is odd cause in Dead buy Dawn he slays a winged Deadite and is hailed a hero...Oh god this is why no woman will touch me)) and brought back to a Castle fortress.There hes tossed into a pit and has to off a couple of Nasties and is then made a  hero...reluctently so. Somthing you should also know is another reason the film didnt do well with the fans is cause Ash is a bit of dick in this movie however I could see where Campbell was going with this idea...look at it this way! Your friends have all been slaughtered, you'v been tortured buy an evil force whos trying to break your mind, you'v cut off your hand and you'v been fucked back in time...who could blame you for acting the cunt.
So Ash is told to bring back the back to the castle where the Kings wisemen can send him back and destroy the evil once and for all. Ash quests for the book having to battle a number of beasties rangeing from mini-evil versions of himself to a grave yard of manhandling skeletons. When he evently gets the book he fucks up and leads the army of darkness back to the Castle. What ensues is the funniest,dumbest and most swashbuckling badass battle ever seen ((I mean youv puppet skeletons screaming "Lets get outta here"))

Campbell is awesome in this movie playing Duel roles as both good and bad Ash. Good Ash is a dick who hates everyone and is just a dumb selfish blowheart who only saving grace is killing monsters. You root for him not cause you like him more that your stuck with him which isnt a bad thing cause which is cooler a hero with a few flaws or a very flawed guys who is a hero. As Bad Ash he rocks as well, he straddles the line between classic and cheese villean Bad Ash rocks with lines like "I will command every worm infested son-of a bitch in this grave yard" Hes undead, has a skeleton army and is Bruce Campbells evil double how can he not be badass. Ofcourse  I couldnt mention Ash in Army of Darkness with out mentioning the oneliners. You couldnt have army without Ash and you couldnt have Ash with out his quips. These are fucking crazy...you say these in the real world you would be killed but Im still tempted to say them. Like his line to Henrey the Red "Right now you leading one of two things jack and shit and jack left town so all you got left is shit. But as god is my witness I will use the line "give me some suger baby" even if I get slapped in the face or with a restraining order.

While Army isnt the best of the three movies its buy no way the worst either it just sits to the side like a loveable cousin who snuck into a family photo. Army of Darkness is Rami and Campell at there best having a laugh and making a fun flick.

Watch if you liked /Aviod if you hated: Evil Dead 1+2, Conan, jackass, Time Bandits and having any bit of fun in your life.

((Groovy!!!!)



Top 5 vigilantes

Being a big fan of  the Punisher and vigilante genre itself  it was only a matter of time before I done a list of my top 5 vigilantes in movies. Whats a vigilante you might ask?
In movies there are some times heros who dont have powers or a badge to help them. The ones they loved or cared for have been killed or raped and nothing has been done. These people are the ones you root for even though they take the law into their own hands and deal out a justice that others might find extreme.
These are the top 5 best movie Vigilantes.

(1)Paul Kersey: Death Wish
Paul Kersey is a mild mannered architect who draws arms when his wife and daughter are murdered and sexually assaulted. Angered buy the system that dosent seem to work Kersey takes to stalking the streets of New York and killing everylow life he can find with swift justice. Kersey dosent seem to enjoy the killing or take any pleasure in it but seems to find it helps deal with the tragic events of what befell his family. Charles Bronson played Kersey with a cool lowbrow effect that made the charater almost wolf like. Always aware and always ready for what the urban Jungle would spit out.The movie spawned a number of follow ups but the first is buy far the best. Charles for bringing us the most bad ass vigilante you got yourself the top spot.

(2)John Eastland:The Exterminator
When Eastlands buddy who saved his ass in Nam is crippled he decides to take on a gang named the Ghetto Ghouls and bring a little war to the streets of New York. While like Kersey he dosent relish violence Eastland isnt afraid to do aweful ,aweful things to aweful people i:e dropping a mobster into a meat grinder feet first or letting rats eat some drugdealers alive....its almost like a little bit of the Vietnam war got into him and is seeping out like a venom upon those who he sees as evil. Robert Ginty was a fucking ice-man in this movie...he wasent the most tough guy in the world but when he had to take out the trash he just burnt the rubbishbin. John Eastland in many ways the the closet movie version of my best loved comic book vigilante the Punisher...he was a Nam vet, he wasent a hulk of a man and he's not a fan of conversation. To me the Exterminator was the best Punisher movie never made and thats why Johnny boy gets number 2.

(3)Nick Hume:Death Sentence
If I had to pick who the most dangerous vigilante on this list Id have to go with Nick. While the other top guys are badass,s Nick is the one who dosent give a shit....buy the third act of the movie your like "fuck hes on a suicide mission." He thinks hes lost everything ...hes got nothing left to lose. This is probley one of Kevin Bacons best preformances. Hes hurt, hes tortured and he just want revenge.He cuts a swat through the gang that kills his family and in the process becomes as savage as they are, showing that unlike the other movies that an eye for an eye does indeed leave everyone blind.

(4)Erica Bain: The Brave One
Erica is the only female Vigilante on this list but this isnt the reason I put her on. The reason shes on is cause in my mind shes the most realistic of the 5. When she and your fiancé are attacked and he dies Erica is lost in a state of trauma and anger. Having lost some one she really loved and feeling nothing is even being done she decides to aquire a gun for her own saftey and over the course of the movie finds her self in situations when otherwise she'd be the victem she is able to overcome her fear and decides to avenge the the one she lost. Jodie Foster delivers one powerful preformance in this movie showing the the hurt and anger of someone who has gone through such a schocking event and determined never to let it happen agien.

(5)Harry Brown: Harry Brown
Theres nothing more scarey than being an elderly person living on your own. what happens when your only mate is murdered and the world around you is like a battlefield. Harry Brown is some one whos seen war and death and wants nothing more to do with it. When he first is attacked he defends himself with a reflex action...he dosent go looking for trouble...hes alone and sad. Unlike the other movies your not only root for that character but you fear for him. He's like everyones grandad...when he presues one of the thugs who killed his mate he suffers a heart attack. Micheal Cain brings a very mortal quality to this vigilante...some one who trys to aviod trouble when ever possible but isnt afraid to take it on despite his age or the odds and that what lands him on my list.



Creature Feature:Carnosaur

So in 1993 Jurassic Park came out and I was nine and my sister took me to see it on the big screen. For a boy of my age it was like being at fucking Woodstock....it was a movie with dinosaurs! There was other kiddie flicks that had bad dinosuar suits and shit but nothing ever came close bar one flick that my dad let me rent and buy christ I was glad my father didnt give a shit what I watched.

Made of a shoe string budget this mockbuster was Roger Corman in the wake of the Jurassic Park Hype to Cash in. The story is loosely(( and I really fucking mean loosely)) on Josh Brosnans book of the same name.

The story is kinda of a mess but ill try and give you the bare bones. Set in some poe-dung town of the south west were introduced to our hero Doc a drunk night watchemn((yes you know your on to a good start when your hero a pissed watchmen)) who job it is to guard industrail machinery from pesky tree-hugging kids one of whom he "Befriend" ((theres a courtcase in there somewhere)) called I shit you not THRUSH.
Meanwhile in some fucking lab a scientest Dr. Jane Tiptree (Diane Ladd whos the mom of the chick in jurassic park) is faffing around with reptile DNA to make dinosuars and get this injecting them into chicken eggs...why? who fucking knows. One of her beasties ecapes and slaughters those peskey kids and Ron Howards creepy brother (its cant be that bad so). The sheriff manages to bring it down but being the only black guy in this movie has his ticket punched anyway. Our heros try to stop the doctor and she releases her prize T-rex to stop them. ((right now im looking over why what im typing and reliseing I still have to sell you this block shit...so here I go))

Why do I like this pile of Dino doo-doo! Threes reasons.

(1) Its Dino-violance. Sure Jurassic park had dinosaurs attacking people but it wasnt a gory affair which bothered me in later years, I mean if your attacked buy an animal its going to be a fucking mess. This monsters were savage. A young girl who chained herself to a digger in a protest has her leg torn off like a chicken drumstick buy a dinosuar in a gory fashion, Clint Howards death is amazeing and you get to see what a shotgun would do to a pissed off dinosaur...which in other movies would be like "Bullits wont stop it"

(2) T-Rex vs Bulldozers. Right being a big Aliens fan I know this is a knock off but shit its a fucking T-rex vs building machinery. I mean come on it is pretty sweet!

(3) The ending. Im not going to give it away but its darker then a November night.

So you want jurassic parks cheap-sleazy sister then I suggest you check out Carnosaur...even for Clints death it worth it.