FUBAR Film Review Classic: Army of Darkness.

The Evil Dead movies kick ass...Evil Dead one was a savage assault on the senses via sound and tone, it was nasty gritty and just plain evil. Evil Dead 2: Dead buy Dawn was basicly a remake with the comedy sense of a loony toons cartoon. The gore and horror was so over the top you had to love and laugh at it.
So that leaves us with Army of Darkness AKA Evil Dead 3 AKA Medi-evil Dead AKA Bruce Campbell vs The Army of Darkness ((also in Japan its known as Captain supermarkert vs the evil dead. Dear santa this year I need a life!)). This is what you would get if you crossed the Three Stooges, Krull and night of the living dead. It amps up the comedy even more for this installment and dropped the horror element alot which is why when it was released at first the fans hated it.

The movie starts off right where Dead buy dawn left off Ash is trapped in 1300 A.D because of the Book of the dead. Ash is captured ((which is odd cause in Dead buy Dawn he slays a winged Deadite and is hailed a hero...Oh god this is why no woman will touch me)) and brought back to a Castle fortress.There hes tossed into a pit and has to off a couple of Nasties and is then made a  hero...reluctently so. Somthing you should also know is another reason the film didnt do well with the fans is cause Ash is a bit of dick in this movie however I could see where Campbell was going with this idea...look at it this way! Your friends have all been slaughtered, you'v been tortured buy an evil force whos trying to break your mind, you'v cut off your hand and you'v been fucked back in time...who could blame you for acting the cunt.
So Ash is told to bring back the back to the castle where the Kings wisemen can send him back and destroy the evil once and for all. Ash quests for the book having to battle a number of beasties rangeing from mini-evil versions of himself to a grave yard of manhandling skeletons. When he evently gets the book he fucks up and leads the army of darkness back to the Castle. What ensues is the funniest,dumbest and most swashbuckling badass battle ever seen ((I mean youv puppet skeletons screaming "Lets get outta here"))

Campbell is awesome in this movie playing Duel roles as both good and bad Ash. Good Ash is a dick who hates everyone and is just a dumb selfish blowheart who only saving grace is killing monsters. You root for him not cause you like him more that your stuck with him which isnt a bad thing cause which is cooler a hero with a few flaws or a very flawed guys who is a hero. As Bad Ash he rocks as well, he straddles the line between classic and cheese villean Bad Ash rocks with lines like "I will command every worm infested son-of a bitch in this grave yard" Hes undead, has a skeleton army and is Bruce Campbells evil double how can he not be badass. Ofcourse  I couldnt mention Ash in Army of Darkness with out mentioning the oneliners. You couldnt have army without Ash and you couldnt have Ash with out his quips. These are fucking crazy...you say these in the real world you would be killed but Im still tempted to say them. Like his line to Henrey the Red "Right now you leading one of two things jack and shit and jack left town so all you got left is shit. But as god is my witness I will use the line "give me some suger baby" even if I get slapped in the face or with a restraining order.

While Army isnt the best of the three movies its buy no way the worst either it just sits to the side like a loveable cousin who snuck into a family photo. Army of Darkness is Rami and Campell at there best having a laugh and making a fun flick.

Watch if you liked /Aviod if you hated: Evil Dead 1+2, Conan, jackass, Time Bandits and having any bit of fun in your life.

((Groovy!!!!)



Top 5 vigilantes

Being a big fan of  the Punisher and vigilante genre itself  it was only a matter of time before I done a list of my top 5 vigilantes in movies. Whats a vigilante you might ask?
In movies there are some times heros who dont have powers or a badge to help them. The ones they loved or cared for have been killed or raped and nothing has been done. These people are the ones you root for even though they take the law into their own hands and deal out a justice that others might find extreme.
These are the top 5 best movie Vigilantes.

(1)Paul Kersey: Death Wish
Paul Kersey is a mild mannered architect who draws arms when his wife and daughter are murdered and sexually assaulted. Angered buy the system that dosent seem to work Kersey takes to stalking the streets of New York and killing everylow life he can find with swift justice. Kersey dosent seem to enjoy the killing or take any pleasure in it but seems to find it helps deal with the tragic events of what befell his family. Charles Bronson played Kersey with a cool lowbrow effect that made the charater almost wolf like. Always aware and always ready for what the urban Jungle would spit out.The movie spawned a number of follow ups but the first is buy far the best. Charles for bringing us the most bad ass vigilante you got yourself the top spot.

(2)John Eastland:The Exterminator
When Eastlands buddy who saved his ass in Nam is crippled he decides to take on a gang named the Ghetto Ghouls and bring a little war to the streets of New York. While like Kersey he dosent relish violence Eastland isnt afraid to do aweful ,aweful things to aweful people i:e dropping a mobster into a meat grinder feet first or letting rats eat some drugdealers alive....its almost like a little bit of the Vietnam war got into him and is seeping out like a venom upon those who he sees as evil. Robert Ginty was a fucking ice-man in this movie...he wasent the most tough guy in the world but when he had to take out the trash he just burnt the rubbishbin. John Eastland in many ways the the closet movie version of my best loved comic book vigilante the Punisher...he was a Nam vet, he wasent a hulk of a man and he's not a fan of conversation. To me the Exterminator was the best Punisher movie never made and thats why Johnny boy gets number 2.

(3)Nick Hume:Death Sentence
If I had to pick who the most dangerous vigilante on this list Id have to go with Nick. While the other top guys are badass,s Nick is the one who dosent give a shit....buy the third act of the movie your like "fuck hes on a suicide mission." He thinks hes lost everything ...hes got nothing left to lose. This is probley one of Kevin Bacons best preformances. Hes hurt, hes tortured and he just want revenge.He cuts a swat through the gang that kills his family and in the process becomes as savage as they are, showing that unlike the other movies that an eye for an eye does indeed leave everyone blind.

(4)Erica Bain: The Brave One
Erica is the only female Vigilante on this list but this isnt the reason I put her on. The reason shes on is cause in my mind shes the most realistic of the 5. When she and your fiancé are attacked and he dies Erica is lost in a state of trauma and anger. Having lost some one she really loved and feeling nothing is even being done she decides to aquire a gun for her own saftey and over the course of the movie finds her self in situations when otherwise she'd be the victem she is able to overcome her fear and decides to avenge the the one she lost. Jodie Foster delivers one powerful preformance in this movie showing the the hurt and anger of someone who has gone through such a schocking event and determined never to let it happen agien.

(5)Harry Brown: Harry Brown
Theres nothing more scarey than being an elderly person living on your own. what happens when your only mate is murdered and the world around you is like a battlefield. Harry Brown is some one whos seen war and death and wants nothing more to do with it. When he first is attacked he defends himself with a reflex action...he dosent go looking for trouble...hes alone and sad. Unlike the other movies your not only root for that character but you fear for him. He's like everyones grandad...when he presues one of the thugs who killed his mate he suffers a heart attack. Micheal Cain brings a very mortal quality to this vigilante...some one who trys to aviod trouble when ever possible but isnt afraid to take it on despite his age or the odds and that what lands him on my list.



Creature Feature:Carnosaur

So in 1993 Jurassic Park came out and I was nine and my sister took me to see it on the big screen. For a boy of my age it was like being at fucking Woodstock....it was a movie with dinosaurs! There was other kiddie flicks that had bad dinosuar suits and shit but nothing ever came close bar one flick that my dad let me rent and buy christ I was glad my father didnt give a shit what I watched.

Made of a shoe string budget this mockbuster was Roger Corman in the wake of the Jurassic Park Hype to Cash in. The story is loosely(( and I really fucking mean loosely)) on Josh Brosnans book of the same name.

The story is kinda of a mess but ill try and give you the bare bones. Set in some poe-dung town of the south west were introduced to our hero Doc a drunk night watchemn((yes you know your on to a good start when your hero a pissed watchmen)) who job it is to guard industrail machinery from pesky tree-hugging kids one of whom he "Befriend" ((theres a courtcase in there somewhere)) called I shit you not THRUSH.
Meanwhile in some fucking lab a scientest Dr. Jane Tiptree (Diane Ladd whos the mom of the chick in jurassic park) is faffing around with reptile DNA to make dinosuars and get this injecting them into chicken eggs...why? who fucking knows. One of her beasties ecapes and slaughters those peskey kids and Ron Howards creepy brother (its cant be that bad so). The sheriff manages to bring it down but being the only black guy in this movie has his ticket punched anyway. Our heros try to stop the doctor and she releases her prize T-rex to stop them. ((right now im looking over why what im typing and reliseing I still have to sell you this block shit...so here I go))

Why do I like this pile of Dino doo-doo! Threes reasons.

(1) Its Dino-violance. Sure Jurassic park had dinosaurs attacking people but it wasnt a gory affair which bothered me in later years, I mean if your attacked buy an animal its going to be a fucking mess. This monsters were savage. A young girl who chained herself to a digger in a protest has her leg torn off like a chicken drumstick buy a dinosuar in a gory fashion, Clint Howards death is amazeing and you get to see what a shotgun would do to a pissed off dinosaur...which in other movies would be like "Bullits wont stop it"

(2) T-Rex vs Bulldozers. Right being a big Aliens fan I know this is a knock off but shit its a fucking T-rex vs building machinery. I mean come on it is pretty sweet!

(3) The ending. Im not going to give it away but its darker then a November night.

So you want jurassic parks cheap-sleazy sister then I suggest you check out Carnosaur...even for Clints death it worth it.



FUBAR Film Review:The Exterminator

Being a Big Super fan of the Punisher people tend to ask me which is my favourite Punisher Movie..is it Dulphs outing as Frank which was shot with ozzy gangsters or maybe the Movie with Tom Janes Frank being the only saving grace to the hole mess or prehaps is Ray Stevensons outting as Castle that fed my hunger for blood with its over the top boring blood letting. My answer is kids its none of these.
The Best Punisher movie in my view isnt even a Punisher flick.

In 1980 grindhouse was still in full swing and the grot mongers were eager to cash in on the Veitnam hype with the likes of deer hunter bringing home the big bucks. Out of an number of godaweful shite came a pretty cool vet-vigilante movie called The Exterminator.

The Movie starts with a bang when some G.Is are captured buy the viet kong and before John Eastland the last member of his unit can chew the wrong side of a machete his Buddy Jefferson turns up with a M-60 and makes charlie into seven types of swiss fucking cheese and pull his buddies ass outta the shit.

So both guys get back home states side and work on the docks together. So when some punks cripple Eastlands buddy he decides to hunt down the scum who fucked up his mate. Then Esterland finds out that Jeffersons boss who is bening strong armed buy the mob wont pay his wife his back pay. So he hunts down that fucker two and makes some use of the dock meatgrinder(do not east taco chips while watching this movie).....and so Esterland deicdes his good at bringing justice to the injust. Pimps.pedos. punks and scum he hunts them all and deals out death via, blades, bullits and fire....he likes fire. Now at this stage your wonder wait this flicks just like death wish. Well trust me it aint...bronson never delt out this much pain and wait till you hear the sub-plot. The paper makes Esterland a hero and name him the Exterminator. Not only do the police freak but the C.I...Fucken....A thinks his a commie agent sent to discredit the American police force and decide to hunt him down.

Robert Ginty is a fucken rockstar in this movie.Hes an ice man and your left wondering is he doing this cause he thinks he's doing the right thing or does he enjoy it. He coins a wicked catchphrease " If your lying...Ill come back for ya" and even makes the world shitest lines sound cool.
Punk : "He was just a N***er!
Easterland: That N***ER WAS MY FRIEND!"
Punk:"Bu-"
Esterlands rifle:BANG
Punks head:POP!
Ginty later went on to do a sequal but it didnt have the same impact as this movie. If I could I have so loved to see him dawn a skull shirt and bomb around in a blacked out van. So whos my  favourite Punisher? Robert Ginty thats who motherfucker and if you dont like it....Ill come back for ya!

Watch if you liked/Aviod if you hated
Deathwish
The Punisher
Taxie Driver
The London riots



FUBAR Film Classic Review: The Wild Bunch

So I came home today to the tragic news that the great Ernest Borgnine Died today. Alot of you guys might have known him from Air Wolf but to me he'll always be Dutch in the Wild Bunch and with this sad news I decided to slap in my dvd copy of the flick and rewatch it and boy I forgot how good it was.
First off you should know that the Wild Bunch was directed buy Sam Peckinpah the man who made slow motion violance an artform. Pieckinpah didnt like conventions of normal Hollywood...the guy was afucking maverick and the Wild Bunch is where this really shines through. Made in 1969 when the concept of wild west movies were begining to die off the silver screen and the war in Veitnam was taking its tole on the united states the Wild Bunch bled out everything Peckinpah was feeling at the time.

This was a western unlike any other. The heros were not heros but outlaws who were cold blood in their efforts to survive a  changeing world. Led buy Pike Bishop whom is played buy Willeam Holden who is one badass motherfucker in this flick, the gang gun down innocent men and women in an effort to escape an ambush buy a group of hired guns and Pikes former partner Deke. These guys then decide to go mexico way and hire themselves out as mercs for a former bandido warlord named Mapache. He hires our boys to rob a train filled with U.S arms. The boys do rob the train only thing is Deke crew are onboard and give case. Now Im not going to give away this part buy how the lads escape the posse but its wicked and makes me wonder if Peckinpah hated horses.

So the boys escape and make it back with the goodies for Mapaches army, only thing is one of their own is related to the rebals who the worlord is fighting and he gets himself in a sticky situation. Bishop having displayed a cold and almost cruel outlook on the world from the start of the movie decides even that they got their reward from Mapache  that they should go back an save their commrade even if it means certain death. What happens is what I can only call one of the best gunbattles in movie history.

Why do I love this movie so much. In my view its one of the last purest westrens...The good guys arnt good guys ...their not even nice guys. I mean Ernest Borgnine useing a mexican peasent girl as a human fucking shield, the Bunch trample a group of chruch folk to death as they escape the ambush and they even end up turning on one of their own cause he was trying to do the right thing....but thats the whole point of this movie. Guys like Billy the kid and Jesse James were killers not the folk heros their were made out to be, if you wanted to survive back then you had to be ruthless. Yet despite all this you stick with these guys because their trying to survive in an age that no longer wants them...their dinosaurs on the way out and they have their own bizzare code of honour which they do seem to stick buy.Pike speech is excellet when he scolds one of the gang for attacking a his fellow outlaw "When you side with a man you stick with him...if you dont your just an animal."This statement later  resonates with Pike and he decides to make faithful choice that proves hes not just a beast trying to survive.
Also one cant help feel that Peckinpah was reflecting his own views on the Veitnam war...that while the U.S were indeed the good guys were didnt always do nice things to win fights.

Another reason I loved this movie is the Bunch themselves being a representation of the old west, a time and an ideal which is being killed buy the advanceing railroad and with it a new America. This theme has appeared from time to time in other westren movie but the only time Ive seen it been used to its full potentional is actully in a vido game I love, Red Dead Redemption. This game also shares the theme of the dieing west and an outlaw whos become a relic of his time although John Marston has more in Common with Deke rather then pike. The games also takes other nodds and ques from the movie such as helping mexican rebals,  hunting down your former outlaws for the goverment/railroad even your fromer parnters called Dutch after Borgnines character. All in all the Wild Bunch is one of the best westrens of all time and deserves a lads night in watch.

R.I.P Ernest Borgnine

January 24, 1917 – July 8, 2012

FUBAR Film Review Classic: DOG SOLDIERS

Hard to belive its been 10 years since one of my top cult horror movies of all time came out. Dog Soldiers was one of the first in a line of gritty British Horror which begane to spring up along side 28 days later in the early naughtys.
The Story was simple take a bunch of likeable Bristish Squadys and pit them agenst werewolves. From the outset this is a blokes movie and you really like the lads which makes it even more compelling as their picked off one buy one. They talk like real blokes theres no "when I get home bullshit."
Kevin MCKidd is exellent as Copper the straightlace buy the book soldier who takes charge and is very reminiscent of Hicks from Aliens. Sean Pertwee  is another actor who shines as the salt of the earth Sargent Welles who dosent want to lose his men. But the scene stealer of the flick is my fan faveriote Irish actor Liam Cunningham as the slimy black ops commander Ryane. The man drips venom and Marshell sets you up to hate in very early in the film buy displaying his sheer crultey.
The movie also pulls an Evil Dead 2 buy jumping between horror and humour without ever sideing with one or the other. In one scene theres a tool up/weapons search((with epic background music)) of the house and you have one of the soldiers finding an electric turkey carver and considers useing it for a momment or two. Then theres private Spoon, the gung-ho nutball and some of his one liners....this is a bloke who gets into a fist fight with a werewolf and when hes about to be eaten says.
"I hope I give you the shits you fucken wimp" The one liners christ this movie got some wicked one liners...their so good youd wish you were in mortal danger so you could use them. Welles looks down at his intestines splayed out across his chest and groans "sausages" and when Copper is finished adressing the men with his battle plan he finishs with " and put the kettle on the boil we could all do with a brew."

This movie is sheer gold and its not suprising Neil Marshell went on to do the Descent what I consider to be up their with Alien in the atmosphere stakes.In all his movies you can see hes a fan and loves movies as much as the people he makes them for. He references everything from Hitchcock to Rami paying homage to those generes. Hes a movie lovers director, this can be seen in his savage  Roman invasion flick Centurion which looked epic on a small budget and it was this that snagged him the job of directing episode 9 in the second season of Game of Thrones which is supposed to be one epic battle called Blackwater.
 So Dog Soldiers in my mind is one of the coolest bloke movies ever and if you do intend on watching it call your mates over, break open a sixpack and prepare to "Howel "with laughter and excitement.

Watch it if you liked: Zulu,Alien, Evil Dead 2,Predator ,Jaws and the Howling or if your a bloke my age!



Trailer Trash

So yeahe this looks intresting to say the least....was their ever anyone so dickheaded or cuntish you just want to kill them.



Behold a movie we can all relate to in this shitty day and age.