Top five smoking hot scream Queens.

Forget the dumb blonde who runs upstairs when the killer/monster/ ghost is stalking the house the real female selling point in a horror movie for me is the chick that is hot but can handle herself. Heres my list of some badass babes who dont fall to shit when the body count rises.

(1)Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Cute, hot and tough in equal measure Mary Elisabeth Winstead is my top choice for best scream queen. While she did end up on the chopping block in both Final Destination 3 and Black X-mas she didnt go down without a fight. She later appeared in Deathproof wearing a cheerleader uniform that sure as shit went easy on the eyes but the main stable for me picking her was when she Ripelyed out for the Thing prequal. She played Kate Loyd as both highly intelligent and resourceful woman who could hold her own. Mary you got got that girl nextdoor thing with the tough dont mess with me sexyness another reason you got the number one spot.



(2)Rose McGowan

Theres somthing almost femme fatal about Rose McGowan, theres an almost exotic darkness to her but then agien she was engaged to Marilyn Manson and you cant get much darker then that. Her rep as a scream queen started in a bizzare sexually charged horror called Doom Generation and then she hit the big time in Scream (Her death involved being crushed buy a screen door).She later stared in that cult hit Phantoms with Ben Afflick. She Played Duel roles in the Grind house feature but it was her part in Planet Terror that she really left her mark. As Cherry Darling she kicked zombie ass as the stripper with a fucking M-16 for a leg.

She Later played a creepy yet sexy witch in the Conan reboot showing she hadent lost her touch as a bad girl. Rose you might be a bad girl but your sure as hell good at it and thats what get you 2nd place.

(3)Radha Mitchell
The real selling point for care for a person in a horror movie for me is that person has to care for some one else in the moving too. Their child, their spouse, their family. The exellent Australian actress Radha Mitchell always brings a great level of emotion to most of the thriller/horror movies shes and proves shes not just eye candy. Be she the space pilot trying to save her crew from savage Aliens in Pitch Black or the mother trying to rescue her daughter in Silent Hill she always brings an emotional depth not found in many horror movies.
Her stand out preformance I think is in the Crazies. She plays the wife of the Sheriff and town doctor both who have to try and survive an outbreak of a madness due to abio-weapon released in the water supply. She show real distraught at the events taking place and sadness when she knows that she cant save the people she swore to take care of. Radha my dear your our number three.

(4)Danielle Harris
This girl has been a scream queen a long time. At age ten she appeared in Halloween 4 and 5 appearing a Michael Myers neice and intended victim. Her role left such an impact on the series Rob Zombie brought her back for his remakes now a mature young woman Danielle could play a more dangerous and sexy role.
Danielle has appeared also in Hachet 2 and the fantastic Stakeland. It would seem Danielle was born to play Darker more scarey roles which most girls would make a muck of. Danielle keep up the good work and we,ll keep you at number 4.

(5)Jamie Lee Curtis

The Queen mother of scream queen Jamie Lee proved that women didnt have to be victims for the demented killer in slasher movies. He break out role in the first Halloween was the springboard for most modren horror movie heroines.She was the go too girl for tough horror movies having stared in Halloween, The Fog, Prom Night, and Terror Train. Even staring in the comic book adaption of Dark Horses  Virus she proved she could still kick ass. Jamie Lee at number five you round off our list of Scream Queens thank you.

So if ever buy chance you trapped in a house with a killer make sure stick with the levelheaded chick who wouldnt let you feel her up....chances are youll live longer.

Comicbook movies you wouldnt think are comics.

With the Dark Knight rises and the Avengers due out this summer its fairly safe to say comic books movies are still going strong but you dont have to dawn tights and fight crime for hollywood to pick you. With that siad heres some flicks out there that chances are you wouldnt think are based on comics at all.

Road to Perdition
Sam Mendes adapted Max Allen Collins graphic novel into to could only be described as Oscear fodder.
While the film wasnt bad it seemed to drop alot of the tone and mood of the comic in place of Mendes own style of story telling yet the main permese remains the same Mob enforcer goes on the run with his son after his boss kills his family and seeks vengance. The comic has a number of follow on books yet these seem that they will never to be made into features.

A History of Violence

Based on the dark and gritty comic buy the great comic writer John Wagner this is one of my prefered adaptions and while it dosent stick to the source that well it does grip the main theme of the comic such as how violence dosent just effect those you hurt and kill but those you set out to protect. Cronenberg rightly landed a number of awards for this film and Id put it up there with one of the best comic books adaptions of the last 10 years.

From Hell
This movie was one of the worst attempts to adapt an Allen Moore comic for a number of reasons (1) The book is an almost document epic about the jack the Ripper slaying (2) Johnny Depp acting is cat in this movie and (3) its an Allen Moore story. Moore poured his blood sweat and tears into this book and some how they thought that they could embody that in this murder/mystery box of trash....come on for fuck sake.
Check out this marvel of a book buy all means but appraoching the movie would be a big mitake.

Ghost World

Based on the cult comic buy Daniel Clowes the movie still has the witty quirky vibe of the books. The story is a bittersweet tale of life, love and growing up. while ill never know how this flick got the green light Im glad it did and I suggest either the flick or the book to anyone who is in a place in their lives where they dont really know where they are or what they want to do because this little gem just goes to show your not the only one in that pickle.

So just to remind you guys that you dont need to be Zack Snyder to direct a comic book movie you just need the right story and a love of good graphic novels.

A History of violence published buy Paradox Press/Vertigo

Ghost world Published buy Fantagraphics Books

From Hell Published buy Knockabout Comics

Road to Perdition buy Paradox Press

Fucked up Fiends!

Sometimes baddies movies are over the top and unreal that we forget that besides hateing them we should also be afriad of them and what they can do......heres a list of my top five most unsettleing baddies in a movie.

(1)Hans Landa :Inglourious Basterds
So Nazies are scarey be the sick fucks in Schinleders list or the melty ones in Raiders of the lost ark...nazies buy a fashion are ment to be scarey. Hans Landa is the most scarey nazie ever...and why you might ask?
Cause he so fucking likable. You drop your defences and thats when your fucked. Be it asking for a glass of milk on minute to gunning down a family of jews under his feet the next the guy can switch just like that. You are totally disarmed buy his charm and quirkyness that you are in state of shock when he ressorts to acts of violance. He savagely strangles Bridget von Hammersmark after flirting with her over the course of the movie. Cold ,cruel and charming the Jew hunter is indeed the worst the nazies have to offer.

(2)Frank: Once upon a time in the West
Okay so the movie opens with a whole family getting slaughtered buy trenchcoat wearing figures...all bar a small child are killed. One of the baddies turns to their leader and says his name "Frank" to which Frank replys "You used my name!" and blows the small boy away. The camera pans up and low and behold its Henry Fonda. Up till now the man only ever played nice guys which sucks really cause hes one cold motherfucker in this. Be it killing women or children or tortureing his crippled boss he is mister Iceman.
No emotion and an ever so slow walk like a spider closing in on prey stuck to its web the guy oozes chilling underplayed menace and that my friends is what gets him onto this list.

 
(3)Chris Cleek :The Woman
Right so despite the fact the woman in question is a feral cannibalistic she bitch from hell shes infact the (anti)hero of this flick.Which begs the question what sthe fucking badguy like.Well let me tell you! Chris Cleek is one scarey motherfucker. Beats his wife but considers hes the best husband in the world. Rapes and tortures the wild woman in th celler buts as he says its to civilize her. Has one daughter locked up with dogs and blinded, turned his son into a sick fuck as much as he is and may have impregnated his eldest daughter  but hay hes sure hes father of the year.....Did I mention he feeds a young teacher to his blind dogchild and german shepards what a swell guy. The Guy really thinks hes every right to treat women like fucking meat. He is a savagely  misogynistic ranting to Peggy (his eldest daughter) that all women a stupied useless c**ts and seems to really beleaf that a womans life is forefit.  Sean Bridgers who im a big fan of  from Deadwood really made this deeply depraved role all his own and reminds us that horror movie monsters dont just have to be the guy waveing an axe but  also the guy just mowing the lawn!

(4)T-1000:Terminator 2
Laugh all you want but I had to put him((it)) in here. In the first movie arnies all smash,bash,crash. You knew what he was going to do and most of the times you knew how he was going to do it. But with the T-1000 it was a different kettle of fish. If Arnies a tank then the 1000 was a stealth bomber. He was sleek and fast and you never really knew whated hed do. He stealthly kills John Conners foster folks buy pretending to be the mom and then implaes the dad..milk carton and all while chating to john in order to get him home. When he stalks John,Sarah and theT-101 through the hospital he does it slowly like an eel or shark hunting its prey....he only kicks into overdrive when he gets a flaking from arnie. Even when Sarah comes close but no ice-cream to killing him he waggles his finger showing a sick sense of humour that no machine should have yet hes so fiendish he just does.

Deputy Sheriff Lou Ford: The Killer Inside Me
Soft spoken and slightly dim is one hell of a cover if your one sick peice of shit. Thats what Lou Fords got down to a tee and that how he gets away with so much carnage. He trys to frame a hooker for the murder of the mayors son and only failed cause he didnt beat her enough to kill her. When his own wife gives him shit he beats her and frames and shoots the town bum who was blackmailing him. He kills all round him and is so cocky that even when his plans turn to shit he dosent seem to break a sweat or even confronted buy the ones who love him show any sort of remorse for his actions. But then agien at the end of the day Lou Ford is jut one mean killing machine

So there you have it. You dont need a cloak, an axe or even an army of henchmen to be a scary badguy....all you need is for people not to notice you until its too late!

FUBAR Film Review: Hardware

So yeahe Ive been working on this new comic called Salvage and its gotten me into a taste for all things Cyberpunk.  A while back Id read a review in an issue of the  Darkside for a flick called Hardware. To me it seemed nothing more then a cheap terminator knockoff. Then I started working on Salvage and shelled out a lot of ideas for bio-mechs in the story. While doing this I got kinda intrested in techno cyberpunk horror and decided to check out some flicks and up poped Hardware agien. After reading up about it and how it was based on a 2000A.D strip called Shok! I decide being a comichead I had to get it and give it a shot.

So the fist part of the flick kicks off with the whole 2000A.D vibe of everythings fucked....the air, the sky and the cites. This nomad finds parts of a robot out in the nuclear wasteland and brings them back to the city ((Refered in some parts as Mega city one)) Who then sell to parts to war worn merc Moses "Hard Mo" Baxter played pretty well buy Dylan McDermott. Mo then gives the parts to his smoking hot girlfriend Jill potrayed in all her sexy stoner glory Miss Stacey Travis. So Mo comes back the bump uglies then fight....then Mo piss's off to find out more about the death machine gift he got his bird only for Jill to make it into a scultpture and get high off cockroach tea while her peeping tom neighbour gets his jollies off.
Mo finds out the thing is a M.A.R.K 13 and checks a passage in his bible Mark 13" No flesh shall be spared" Then he relises oh fuck .....just as the cazy ass deathmachine comes to life. Oh fuck me does it look fucked up...its Johnny five crossed with Peter Sutcliffe. I mean this things attmepts to rape Stacey Travis with its drill dick. At least the termintor just wanted to blow sarah Connors brains out....this thing was just fucking evil.  As a movie Hardware isnt groundbreaking buy any standerds but one can see why it has it cult status and its still a sweet looking horror movie. My only issue had with the plot was that most the characters were high....Jill gets high off cockroach tea, Shades gets high off L.S.D and Mo....well how Mo gets high is rather intresting but the fact was Iwas left wondering why. Okay the world they lived in was shitty hence why they might want to get stoned as fuck. Then I listened to the audio commentry buy Richard Stanly and it all be came clear. After several or so minutes of him ranting about how the army has robots the are just like this and how he used to drop acid and experience ever lasting peace followed buy never ending waves of sorrow I relised this guy has never been down to earth in a long time and in all lightlyhood never will.

So what am I going to give Hardware. Ill give it a 7/10. Its fun ,its gross and its....pretty fucking high.
Rent it if you liked/Aviod it if you hated: Terminator, clockwork orange and Dust Devil.

P.s listen out for Iggy Pop and look out for Motorheads Lemmy.

Cult Kings of the Video shelf!

So your making a movie say in europe and youv got fuck all of a bob on yahe cause no one really wants to fund Zombie Alien Nazie Hookers from Santaland 6. What do you do...you hire these guys.


(1)Lance Henriksen
I love this man. The guys a fucking living legend. Be he Bishop the milk vomiting andriod with a "heart" of gold in Aliens or the moody manhunter Frank Black in Millennium hes chewing scenery. If hes not chewing senery then its most lightly gravel.....the guys voice is wicked....lets just say you dont want him reading you kid a bedtime story. But he is a legend and an underated talent whos star power shouldnt be found on the video shelf. The guy learned to read when he was 30,  he taught himself by studying film scripts and was one of the few saving graces in the AVP movie. Lance you are a legend.

Check out: Aliens, Millennium, Near Dark and Pumpkinhead Avoid: Mind Ripper.

(2)Rutger Haur
 Another guy who really should have gone on to better things Rutger Haur is mental...but in a good way.
Whether it be convinceing Ridley Scott to let him take a  dangerous jump for a shot in Blade Runner or  uttering a  shithouse mad line like "Let go of me demons your crushing my smokes!"  in Hobo with a Shotgun the man will anything cause he knows he can do anything. Theres some might give me a load of shit for saying this but I think hes way better in Hitcher then Blade Runner. Why you may ask? Its easy the guys so good a playing a fucking mad man cause....well....he is a mad man. In hobo with a shotgun he jumped out a window with his hand bound buy masking tape before the crew could say "Wait Rutger your 67....you shouldnt...oh shit he made it"
Roy Batty may have Seen thing you wouldnt belive.....but the shit weve seen Rutger do well you wouldnt belive it either. Thank Mr Haur.

Check out: Blade Runner, the Hitcher and Hobo with a shotgun. Aviod :Omega Doom.

(3)Clint Howard
I dont care who you are or what you watch youv seen somthing with Clint Howard in it. The  brother or Ron Howard ((yeahe Richte from Happy Day and the guy who director of Apllo 11)) he was a child actor who grew up....however it seem this was a reverse ugly duckly case. Clint is the most oddest locking bloke to ever be exposed to the moving picture. Which explians why he mainly only get bit parts as rednecks, convicts and all in all human waste. Having said all this however Clint can act...he takes a 2 minute role and makes it his own. Dosent matter if hes Dinosaur chow in Carnosaur or the Bullied Nerd in Evil Speak the guy makes it his own. Clint you may not be Brad Pitt but you can sure as shit act.

Check out: Carnosuar and Evil Speak. Aviod:Ping

(4)Eric Roberts
You want a really good bad guy for your movie you get Al Pacino. You cant get Al you go for Eric Roberts instead. The guy is the Master class at playing an Evil shit unlike his sister Juila whos always been the rom-com queen. Hes been a baddie in Heros,  The Justice League cartoons, The Dark Knight and chewed the shit out of the scenery in The Expendables. While hes good at playing bad hes been a bit naughty in real life too In 1987, Roberts was arrested for possession of cocaine and resisting arrest after he tried to assault a NYPD cop. He spent 36 hours in jail, pleaded guilty to harassment, and had all other charges dropped then in February 1995, Roberts was arrested for shoving his wife, Eliza Garrett, into a wall.
Eric Roberts your the King of Naughty basterds.

Checkout: The Dark Knight and The Expendables. Aviod: Cyclops and D.O.A .

(5)Mark Dacascos
This guy has done it and played it all. How and why you may ask? Cause Mark is any and every race.
The guys dad  Al Dacascos, is from Hawaii, and is a martial arts instructor of Filipino, Spanish, and Chinese ancestry. How can you beat that? Well the Chairman on Food Network's television series Iron Chef America. Hes played the Crow in the shortlived but pretty good Tv series and done another comic book adaption in the form of Crying Freeman. Is there there anything he cant do....nope....hes been in  Dancing with the Stars this guy will and can not be stopped.

Checkout:Brotherhood of the Wolf and Crying Freeman Aviod: DNA

Hail to the kings of  budget movies may you live forever.....or at least till your next direct to video movie comes out.

Tam-a-Dan

If you happen to be glanceing your local video store and are passing buy a section littered with countless shite brit gangster flicks you may notice a thing I like to call Tam-A-Dan. The countless pairing of Tamer Hassan and Danny Dyer. What follows is a list of their on screen team ups. Shudder in fear of Tam-A-Dan.


The Business

City Rats

Dead Man Running

The Last Seven

Football Factory

White Line

At this stage Im convinced both actors have reached a level symbiosis where one cant survive without the other. This Ladies and gentlemen is what I call Tam-A-Dan.

Trailer Trash Newsflash!

Oh god why? Why god why? A movie about tits and Zombies......that will turn people into tits and Zombies.

Got give it  Sony for having ball to flog their stuff in this teaser. Reguardless I may have to witness this train wreck!